Tag Archives: inner game

The Catch 22 of Being a Single Male

This is a strange phenomenon and dilemma that you may find as I did, that when you’re in the catch, it really affects you  and can keep you stuck for years.

What’s the catch 22?

>>  When you want it or need it, you can’t have it.

The more you want sex or dating success as a single man, the more it stays away from you and somehow knows to stay away  from you which makes you want it more.

And the cycle continues.  Sound familiar?  (It’s a generalization yet still effectively accurate…then you’ll find when you ‘weren’t trying’ or stopped caring women were more into you).

Yet you’ll notice when you’re WITH a woman (dating and having sex), that OTHER women finally start taking interest in you  and you can’t figure out why.

And then when you’re ‘single’ again and start ‘looking’, generally women stay away from you and dating becomes a  challenge again taking a lot of effort to manifest even something of a connection.

It can be the most frustrating thing b/c you can’t control women yet still value connection.  And then you can get caught  up more in fantasyland.

What’s at stake?

Well, your sex life.

Being unwantedly single…and I don’t mean single and partying, I mean the LONELY type of disconnected, frustrated,  unworthy, confounded even apathetic single where women just stay away from you no matter what you do…esp. the types you  REALLY want.

You could have dry spells for months or years getting even more disconnected from women.  (hey, even I was there).

And I noticed this before…I’d have dry spells of dating and then be dating multiple women.

David DeAngelo acknowledged this phenomena as well and pinpointed it’s the energy that he’s actually in.

(For a woman, wanting, needing or desiring love from a man can keep it away from her even more or attract unfulfilling or  dysfunctional versions of it).

And it’s this energy and vibe you’re ‘stuck’ in that repels them even more the MORE you want ‘it’.  And whatever you do  to try to change it, nothing changes…because you still ‘want it’.

You may already recognize this dilemma in your own life at some point…it’s so accurate that it may have already shocked  you I’m saying this.  It was very real for me @ times.

And if you try to deny that you don’t want it when you really really DO or be indifferent when meeting women; there’s  just this big incongruency with yourself.  You put on a front when around women when your subconscious and vibe is  communicating something else entirely (that is out of your control).

And…it can feel like lying to yourself to say you don’t really want it when you do.  And women sense your intentions  nearly instantly which further keeps you stuck or settling for less.

What makes this so phreaky, is that it’s so ACCURATE.

But that’s the craziest thing;

How can you HAVE something and be fulfilled when you don’t actually HAVE IT?

((The answer (which took me years to discover) is unbelievably powerful, effective and accurate.  There may be other ways  but this really works and we’re getting to it))

Again; women are so intuitive and sense all of this even before you SPEAK.  You may not be conscious of any of it but  women already know from your vibe and what energy you’re communicating…which can further make things frustrating as  hell for you.

In these cases; your subconscious sexual desires are owning you AND it’s preventing success while you’re oblivious to how  to actually make a change.  I mean it might be a long time until you finally reconnect with a real girl again in this  state.

So what actually CHANGED when you were wanting it as an unwanted single to when you were having sex with a woman and  other women were interested and you could be dating multiple women?

What were you communicating differently?

You didn’t NEED (sex from) women BECAUSE YOU HAD IT, thus it was opened up to you.  You didn’t have to seek it or get it  outside of yourself.  You were in the energy of HAVING it and in sharing CONNECTION with a woman.

So how can you actually break the cycle if you’re stuck IN catch 22 right now (where you WANT it but it knows to stay  away from you)?

In other words; how can you have something you don’t actually have so that you can HAVE it?  (Oh we’ll say something like  sexual attraction and sex).

How can you actually be fulfilled within of sex even when you really AREN’T so that you can ATTRACT women (even if you’re  ‘dry’ for years)?

How can you HAVE sex and fulfillment in your presence/vibe and energy without fooling yourself or ‘faking’ it b/c that  can be even worse AND b/c women would see through it anyways?

The answer is sexual presence but I’m going to come in from a different angle so you can understand it.

Included with embodying sexual presence so you truly live in a different state in the moment (so you’re not ‘ahead of  time’ visualizing her in bed and scaring her away); is the practical and effective answer is to change your definition  and valuation of sex.

B/c from this paradigm, otherwise you’re still stuck in the loop until you somehow GET a girlfriend so that you can be  fulfilled with sex again.

If sex is always external and women holds the power outside of you, you’re inherently stuck in a dynamic where you don’t  have ‘sex’ because it’s outside of you.  Wanting it more as a man (which isn’t the way attraction works physically with  women), keeps it away from you.

It’s not even just in this area but in any area of ‘success’.  Here’s what crazy when you really look at it; the answer  comes down to the power of now.  Yeah, like Eckhart Tolle but applied to the real world more practically.  It’s actually  perhaps the HIDDEN secret to success itself.


Because if you don’t have success NOW, success is always in the future and if you’re in that energy, the future never  arrives b/c there is only the now.  Success has to be in the now.

Thus the answer = PRESENCE.

BE successful now (without faking it) to actually ATTRACT success and come from the ENERGY of success.  It really took my  business master coach David Neagle to wake me up on this one but it’s so important.

So let’s just bring it back to the catch 22 in dating.

A part of embodying sexual presence and making the big switch in your vibe which women can tell, is changing your  definition of sex so that it comes from something else than conditionally requiring a woman to fulfill it.

So if and when you change your definition of sex itself to something more accurate so you don’t have to LIE to yourself  or ‘act’ like you don’t want it when she’s seeing right through you anyways.

The general answer is to be FULFILLED with sex energetically so that you can then attract it (instead of taking and  needing it from women like a leech).

If you’re in the energy where you’re NOT fulfilled now and sex is something external and it requires a woman to fulfill  it, you’re going to be coming from an un-successful vibe.  She’ll sense that you want to take or get something from her.

Yet it’s when you’re fulfilled within of sex and don’t ‘need’ it outside of yourself that things actually WORK and  attracts MORE attraction and connection with women.

To make the change without fooling yourself, deepen your understanding of sex to something greater.

When sex = life force chi energy and sexual polarity instead of a consensual PHYSICAL connection with a woman (and ANY of  the ‘roadblocks’ in the path to get there), then you can be in the ENERGY of sexual fulfillment.  Then, you can even work  on ROCK STAR sex energy and attraction.

When you look at movie star hunks…women are into them b/c of one thing; sexual presence (even take away their social  status or fame).  They’re not trying to ‘get’ something in the future, they have more power in the moment coming across  (vibe/charisma/chi).

Change your valuation of what = sex and then you’re in the energy of GIVING and CONNECTION which then attracts physical  relationships with women; new experience.

Women can then GROW and be sexually awakened by being associated with you instead of your selfish energy of wanting to  ‘get sex’ from women keeping you STUCK in the catch 22 and then desiring it more and it stays away from you etc.

But you have to be careful b/c the fantasy of you desiring women feels good and your subconscious wants more of it, so  connection with real women can be an entirely abnormal thing.  If you really want to change, you’ve got to break the  entire dysfunctional cycle.

As you can imagine, the implications of this are pretty huge.  You have to figure out how important this is for your  life; are you stuck in the catch 22 right now?  How about before?

Can you see how it’s effectively keeping you stuck no matter how much work you do to improve?  Do you understand that  sexual attraction isn’t a woman’s CONSCIOUS choice but it’s how she subconsciously responds and feels around your sexual  presence?

Are you willing to make a change if it would finally get you results or do you actually truly value fantasy itself more?


The solution is to embody sexual presence so that you are over-brimming with sexual power and confidence and don’t need it  from women.  Then, you can be indifferent or not but your power comes from WITHIN and doesn’t require a woman to validate  you.  THAT is sexy and actually attracts women, when you really own it and ARE it.

As soon as you leave here you’ll be surrounded by the whole social matrix that supports you being stuck and in  fantasyland of sex and relationships instead of actual physical connection.  And like before, chances are you’ll stay in  the catch 22.

So to sum it up;

When you make the shift and stop needing something subconsciously outside of yourself to fulfill a void within yourself,  everything will change with women.  Sexual presence embodiment and escaping the catch 22 will shift everything about you  so that even if you ARE single single and not having sex, your vibe is entirely different and women will start opening up  to you.

It can really be a mindtwist at first but the more you dig into it, the more clear it will be.  Want to finally handle  this and break the catch 22 of wanting sex and rarely actually manifesting connection with a woman?

To help you get even more clarity on real world sexual attraction, this may be the most important thing you’ve ever read  on sexual attraction.